Песня о СМ Панке — пародия

27 января этого года, на Monday Night RAW СМ Панк сообщил своему начальству, что не намерен продолжать выступления в WWE, после чего просто покинул арену.

Он сдержал слово и [пока что] ни разу не появился на шоу промоушна.

Более того, он подписал контракт с UFC на выступления в [ориентировочно] среднем весе.

Публикуем по этому поводу песню (увы, только текст), которую в районе прошлогодней WrestleMania опубликовали на одном из фан-сайтов. Поется на мотив Mark Stan Эминема. Для вашего удобства публикуем минусовочку.

Dear CM Punk, I messaged you but you still ain’t respondin’
I put my gmail, tumblr, and blogspot at the bottom
I tweeted you at the Rumble, you must not’ve got it
There probably was a problem with your internet or something.
I know I write you a lot, I just hope you haven’t blocked em’
Anyways, f*** it, hows your life? Not too stressful?
I know it’d be for me if I ever tried to wrestle.
If I was a wrestler, know how I’d dress up?
I’d be the Straight Edge Stalker
I know about your walkout too, I think it’s awesome.
I had to quit my job too when my bosses got all bossy.
You probably hear this all the time, but I’m pretty «smart»
I love seeing your in-ring nods to SAVAGE and HART
My notebook’s filled with fantasy booking and fan art
And I loved your feud with Samoa Joe, that guy is phat.
Anyways, I hope you see this, Punk. Message me back.
Just to shoot, me and you, your favorite smark.
#‎This is Mark.

Dear Punk, 4 weeks and no word, I hope you get the chance.
I’m not mad, I just think it’s **FAHKIN BOOSHIT** how you treat fans.
You didn’t have to talk to me after your match
if you weren’t willing, but you coulda’ signed something for little Jimmy.
That’s my little brother man, to him it’s still real
We waited all day and skipped a meal for you
For hours and you walked on and acted like a heel
That’s pretty shitty man, you’re like his favorite jerk.
He wants to be just like you and have AJ has a perk
I ain’t that mad though, I just don’t like being worked
Remember when we met in Cleveland,
you said if I tweet you, you would retweet,
See I’m just like you in a way, Miz’s dad thinks I’m crud too
He follows me on Twitter and tells me his son’s cool
Anyways, I can relate to what you say in your promos,
And When I have a shitty day, I press play and watch you talk in slow-mo
I ain’t got much else, so that stuff helps cause I’m obsessed
I even have a Pepsi logo tattooed across my chest
Sometimes, I even shave my forehead to see if I can get color
I’m starting to look like Dusty, I should probably use something duller
But people miss you Punk, things have sucked since you been gone
So next week, me and my friends have a plan for Monday Night RAW
We’re gonna #‎Hijack the place and chant for you, on or off the air
In your hometown of Chicago, Meltzer says you’ll be there
I hope he’s right, and that you return in your hometown.
Sincerely yours Mark,
#‎P.S. I made a bet, please don’t let me down.

Dear Mr. I’m-Too-Good-to-Reply-To-My-Fans
This’ll be the last time I ever rage about your skinny fat ass
We Hijacked Raw and you weren’t there, We don’t deserve it?
I know they showed our chants and signs, we wrote the messages on them perfect
So this is my post for you, a video without edit
I’m on my PC right now, No longer apologetic
Hey PHIL, I drank 3 redbulls, you dare me to Reddit?
You know the song by Eminem, I think it’s called «Stan»
About the fan who loved Eminem so much, he was obsessed
And when he didn’t hear back from him, he got really depressed
That’s kind of how this is, and now I look like a fool
It’s too late, I lost my bet, now I gotta follow through
And all I needed was to see you back on RAW
Now I have suck it up and cover my face in coleslaw
Then post this video of it for my internet friends and Karma
All because you took your ball home and caused all this stupid drama
I hope you dream about how you caused me all this trauma
I hope it eats at you so bad, you have to call your mama
See Phil- *****HOOOOOO!***** -whoops, lemme turn that down
Sorry I’m watching WrestleMania 3, I’ve got it on right now..
But I’m not watching it on the network, that’d be supporting you
Cause I know you’re still getting paid until your contract expires too
Well gotta go, I gotta post this to the internet
#‎Oh shit, the coleslaw is spilling, getting my keyboard wet!

Dear Mark, I meant to get back at you before, but I’ve been busy
Plus I’m bad with computers and my connection is iffy
Look, I’m pretty weirded out that you’d be a wrestling stalker
But I signed some Merch for Jimmy, here’s a pair of straight edge Boxers
I’m sorry I missed you at the show, I didn’t mean to put heat on
But I’d really rather not talk when I’ve got my custom Beats^TM on
But what’s this about Hijaking Raw, with your chants and booing Batista?
I say that’s just silly dude, stay home and don’t pay for your seat man
You got some Issues Mark, I really think you should SIT DOWN.
To help your ass from bouncing off the wall when Wrestlemania comes around
And what’s this I hear about you watching me in slow motion?
That type of shit’ll make me think this is more than fan devotion
I really think you and your computer need a little time apart
Or maybe you just need to stop spending time with smarks
I hope you get this message, I just hope it reaches you in time
Before the storyline gets worse, I think that you’ll be doing just fine
If you relax a little, I’m glad I inspire you but Mark,
Why are you so dark
Try to understand, I do want you as a fan.
I Just don’t want you to start some crazy thinking
I saw this one thing on the web that made me want to start drinking
Some dude lost a bet and had to cover his face in coleslaw
And had to film it and post the vid to reddit before the next Raw
And he was angry and fuming about me not being there too
Come to think about it, his username was, it was you..

Кстати говоря, занимательная фигня:
На прошлой неделе один из посетителей сайта reddit (который, кстати, упомянут в песне) действительно «забился», что Стив Остин не упомянет имя СМ Панка в своем подкасте с Винсом Макмэном. Ставкой было съесть кошачью еду и выложить видео в интернет. Это и было сделано.